#i dont have as individual story for them yet but i got their characters down pretty well

[coriphallus]

DA: The Veilguard Spoiler Review pt3 - Politiks

oh my little void in this world wide web, we are really in it now.

a little PSA before you read this word vomit, i am from westernmost middle east, and that will inform much of what i know about the topics i discuss. i wont know about race politics of america or the intricacies of it beyond what i can see online but as an immigrant i do have some perspective on western experience. so when i talk about heavy topics it will come from a foreign place. i do understand and admit that i cannot ignore that BW is a north american studio and that colours every theme they touch.

so there are two angles to approach this, 1st is to assess DAV on its own and 2nd is to assess it as a part of a whole and continuation of a franchise.

lets get 1st out of the way, its safely uncontroversial beyond taash's story. and eff-plays voiced my feeling verbatim on that subject more succinctly than anything i can possibly write.

2nd is very, very grim.

every DA game that came before had been interlaced with politics of its world so severely that its absence is disorienting. every game you were given the choice to change the political landscape of the countries youre playing in, for better or for worse. even the 2nd game with its vastly smaller scale sees hawke trying to navigate through their life as an immigrant, even at the games climax you are given a choice to drastically alter how this uprising will be remembered and it tells hawke that there are no half measures, they need to pick a side.

"Slavery or no, flesh is always for sale."

in my very first DAV playthrough i picked a shadow dragon elf, i didnt give her any backstory as i though being an elf in minrathous would shape her world view regardless.

first scene i got when organising my room rook pulls out the SHACKLES of a slave shes freed as she reminisces about how much good shes done, and puts them on her bedside. then proceeds to talk to a book and say "everybody looks down on elves but we were here first >:c"

(at this point i rerolled my character so i dont yet know how shadow dragon background plays out.)

at the very beginning of the game we see similar shackles and varric informs us that solas hates slavery, hes been freeing them.

when we make it to minrathous we learn that these people in neves circle have been freeing slaves.

alright so, the heavy handed deliveries aside, what purpose do all these scenes/expositions serve?

well, it makes these people look good. we know theres slavery in this part of thedas and these people are fighting against it not by any elaborate means but dont worry kitten <3.

[i had to look up the english for some of these terms so feel free to correct me if im wrong] patterson describes slavery as "one of the most extreme forms of the relation of domination, approaching the limits of total power from the viewpoint of the master, and of total powerlessness from the viewpoint of the slave". death of the soul, death of what makes one human -and for the purposes of this section- death in the eyes of state. slavery has such a long history that predates early modern colonization of africa by thousands of years. it is a staple of human history and where we have come from shapes what we are now. we can shun it, call it abhorrent but we cant pretend it never happened. theres always been people dead in the eyes of state.

heres the uncomfortable truth, there aint never been enough steel in the world to hold every hittite or mittani slave. to assume slavery is people getting abducted and put to irons is as naïve as human trafficking being a rando ruffying you and hauling you across the sea in a crate. yea, it could happen but 99% of the time its just a waste of time to physically hold someone against their will by force. and this idea makes us think its this far off thing that happened thousands of years ago by bad individuals doing very comically bad things, which is a very deliberate choice, because to depict period accurate slavery would be to portray social and economical classes, and that would be confronting how little we've changed in certain aspects.

people were born into that caste, shaped by it, worn down by it, and abused by it systematically.

in DAI Dorian says something -apparently- very controversial that i dont think this fandom has fully unpacked, and i aint gonna do that here either because im not remotely qualified. he likens the working class of south to slavery of north, theres no way to engage with this argument in any meaningful way, even as an elf, and in general people brush it off as dorians pro-slavery rhetorics.

try as DAV might to disregard, we actually did meet an ex-slave and trafficking victims on three separate occasions, and the games have set a premise already. we got to talk about their unique circumstances, and they were handled with some measure of dept. maybe you liked them, maybe you didnt, but you knew them and that makes a difference. they had agency in their own stories. a far cry from DAVs nameless faceless props for righteous gentiles to circle jerk about.

but, sure, lets tell ourselves showing them would be too gratuitous.

can you imagine how batshit insane it would look if zevran kept the belt her husband used to beat isabela with as a trinket, to display in his tent? that scene with rook disturbed me more than most anything in this entire franchise and coming from an anders supporter, thats saying something.

this is how little the writers were willing to engage with their source material. this is how little they are willing to engage with the world around them.

which makes the next blunder inevitable.

alot has been said about the absurdity of elves feeling responsible for the events of DAV, but maybe this hasnt been said enough; this is a blatant fascist rhetoric.

i will spell it out though, even though i never thought it needed to be said, the social performance of accountability indicates that the party who has done harm has benefited and continues to benefit from that harm, this is why reparations are paid, and thats what "check your priviledge" means. elves in DA have never benefited in any way from the warmongering of evanuris, they were enslaved by them.

to say that these people should feel some sort of responsibility towards what befell dwarves is a fascist rhetoric used irl to offload responsibility and divide and alienate the opposition further from eachother.

i cant tell you if this mouth piece is same everywhere but i know a few people who have clocked it immediately so im gonna assume it was obvious. and truthfully, i wouldnt even be annoyed if i thought it was intentional. genuinely, one of my favourite games is an unapologetic military propaganda whos protagonist would make ayn rand write sonnets about, and the game knows what it is. but no, i fully believe the studio tried to address the criticism they got about their lackluster handling of elves and either completely misunderstood or willfully disregarded the experiences of marginalised peoples that the games drew inspiration from.

the writing is so hollow beyond horrible dialogue that when writing an enby character whos also multicultural they didnt even notice the parallel theyve created. i know this because after an entire plotline about their struggle with binaries their story concludes with a binary decision on their culture. this just confirms to me that any dept this game has is completely accidental.

imma level with yall i dont subscribe to the belief that you need to have some type of experiences to write some type of characters and i find that "ofc a white person wrote it so..." response very tired because yea we should be allowed to expect more from white people. i too had OCs of different cultures that i wasnt very familiar with and handled poorly, but unlike me, a company can afford a consultant.

i played greedfall recently, and sure the maori tattoos were a shit decision, and im disappointed that after all the criticism they still stuck with it, and yes maybe its story was not sensitive enough but you know what? as the person whos recommended it to me said, i rather have a story who boldly engages with its own themes than one whos terrified of them. say what you will about its shortcomings but at least at the end of that game you can have an ending where the colonizers leave for good, and yes their plague is not healed but the narrative doesnt punish the natives for their isolationism. i am glad that the game allows that catharsis to its players.

DAV could have had 300 well thought-out endings and still not please everyone, but the endings they chose to include directly implicates the group theyre trying to appease and its literally just people who either want to punch or kiss solas, thats how fucking deep they think their fanbase it. not the people who wanted to end slavery, or achieve equilibrium with beings no matter how alien they are. or people who wanted to see a culture connect with its roots etc etc.

and maybe they were right, many people have been enjoying this game immensely and i am just, so fucking jealous. i wish i liked this game and enjoyed it and didnt want to tear out my hair every second i spent in treviso. i wish i wasnt seething white knuckling my sink like an insane person when a little kid wrote to crow rook that hes recruiting orphans now. i wish i had any belief in this game to read that as satire.

at least i wish i felt any form of vindication when i immediately realised this game was going to be a soulless cashgrab that unashamedly uses the name of a popular IP to push a sub-par product earlier this year, i just spend 80+ hours watching a company parade the carcass of a franchise i loved and beat it like a pinata as it continuously slapped me on the face with a botched wax figure of it.

i just feel this profound sense of sadness. i wish this game didnt exist. and no i dont feel any kind of brand loyalty, even when i actively enjoyed their work i didnt but i definitely dont now, not after 3 consecutive games that theyve delivered with more or less the same problems. as the company is today, i dont care whether bw survives or not, its been made clear time and again that the bw i liked is long gone and bw today is clearly not interested in making games for me.

even as i write this i dont feel fuelled by my anger for DAV but by the love a have for what came before. i still think the story deserved better, the fans deserved better, the people who contributed into making DA universe what it was before DAV deserved better. and, as rook told harding, our anger is justified.

but, hey. hair looks really good.

[wyngigi]

ꕀ LUST FOR LIFE ꕀ 04

↳ sex money feelings die remastered .ᐟ cross posted on ao3

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“ they say only the good die young, that just ain't right 'cause we're having too much fun, too much fun tonight ”

↳ synopsis: a group of individuals find that their first taste of freedom in the world brings more obstacles than expected. some of them, find solace by drowning in liquor or in the backseat of somebody else’s car. a lot of them have got to get their shit together. a lot of them won't.

mdni » story contains nsfw content intended for 18+ audiences pairings » member specific, not listed for spoiler purposes ↳󠁪󠁪 ateez x female reader, ateez x ateez ↳ genre » coming of age ↳ word count » 2.3k ↳ general warnings » substance abuse & consumption, sexual content, morally grey characters, unreliable narrators, internalised homophobia, angst, basically every struggle young adolescence can go through ↳ a/n┆i hope u guys love this chapter as much as i do !! a little blast from the past always has me excited <3 p.s let me know which pairings ur rooting for after reading hehe (and yes next chapter we will be back at the party dont worry the drama has just begun)

04⌇memories of summer bring you

As San weaves his way through the crowd, past the drunken bodies of guys and girls alike, he finds himself reminiscing in just how much he had changed the past few years. Was it okay to live a life like he was right now? He’s not too sure. San first thinks of high school, then his thoughts float to you.

San watches the clock tick above his teacher’s desk, mind wandering as he scribbles on his worksheet with a ballpoint pen. He’s trapped in a god-awful environmental science class (which mind you would’ve been a free period instead), courtesy of not taking enough science courses earlier on to hit the credit minimum. It’s torturous, making him study about the world in a stuffy classroom when he could be out there learning by simply living in it.

San might just be a little salty, but the lesson isn’t actually that interesting either, so his mind has been elsewhere the last half hour. He’ll listen when it actually gets important, maybe. First he was daydreaming about buying a motorcycle and speeding off into the sunset, away from this boring sad old town to go live some larger-than-life bullshit.

Then he thought it’d be too lonely to do by himself, so he brainstormed an alternative. If he were ever able to do it, he’d probably try convincing someone to come with him. He hasn’t even finished his senior year, yet his ideas still don’t seem all that crazy to him. It might be farfetched to others, but San disagrees. If you aren’t dreaming big, could it even be considered a dream at all?

Then he starts wondering if his thoughts are too reckless most, if not all of the time, if attempting to move through life hastily would be too irresponsible and could scare the people around him. But he really doesn’t want to miss out on living, San wants to go see and do the things you have to go out of your way to experience. Something you make the journey for to begin with, not just a simple detour.

The type of stuff you have to just hold your breath for and jump into with no regret before it’s too late, the tide retreating, water becoming far too shallow. (He truly wasn’t lying earlier when he said he loves to be on the move, or that the thrill of exploring had always been dangerously enticing to him.) Those mantras, principles, whatever you wish to call them replay in his mind daily. They always have.

San knows the world won’t slow down and wait for him too. He sees it outside the classroom window right now, how the cars still pass down the street as the birds fly high into the sky even if he’s confined to his seat. San is well aware that it’s him who has to be the one to take the leap of faith and choose to start living. The problem is that sometimes he just can’t.

When San would think about the daredevils, adrenaline junkies, risk takers of the world, those who love to live on the edge of things, preparing for their big take off, he’d think of how he would love to be like that someday. Yeah, someday. The difference was he liked staying on the edge too much. Didn’t like the feeling of climbing to the highest point just for the glory if he could end up tipping over, see himself falling down and lose control of everything in the process.

When third period ends San makes his way out of class then down the hall, stopping at his locker so he can drop off the notebook and stationery he no longer needs till after his second lunch break. San knows he has PE next, so he quickly grabs his gym clothes. It’s not that he cares much about being late for it or missing out on any of the “action” though, he only really enjoys it depending on what sport they’re playing.

He likes the sports where his only role is to defend whenever a ball or something comes his way. It’s why he thinks volleyball is torture; trying his best to stay in his position once his team scores but then somebody is already telling him to hurry up and rotate. Those days are just endless cycles of torture. Actually, were.  He started to sit in the nurse’s office on those days.

It’s a good thing they’re doing netball today (he doesn’t have any more passes to sit in the med bay now). San has a lot of fun playing it. He’s even claimed the goalkeeper bib before anyone else can so much that whoever he plays with just lets him have it. The people he usually plays with are good enough to the point where the opposing team never even gets to his third of the court.

Goalkeeper suits him for that exact reason, he enjoys getting to win without even having to take a shot with the ball. San liked how it was so much he didn’t think or want to try being a goal attacker or centre. Well, maybe sometimes he did a little. There were a couple instances where he wanted to try a different role for the first time. San had gotten as close as picking up a different position bib even. Thoughts like that were shoved away quickly however, and the bib would end thrown back into the crate. The mere possibility of letting anyone down in case he was terrible outweighed his curiosity (and potential) on multiple occasions.

Failure was a funny thing; it had given him a terrible feeling that would sit in the pit of his stomach or make him so nauseous it was awfully dizzying. The funnier thing was that San had never truly failed at anything in life, simply because he had never tried much to begin with. That was the case, for quite some time in his life as he knew it. He had been growing more than okay with that knowledge as time passed, then one day he wasn’t.

As he turned away from his locker, San spotted you walking the opposite way to your own fourth period class, clearly getting ready to ditch the rest of the day. His heartbeat had sped up and his palms were awfully sweaty but for the first time ever, he shut out every reasoning voice in his head and chose to do something he never had the courage to before.

The two of you were in the same grade, so he had seen you passing by in the hallways always with both earphones in (to drown out everyone else he assumes, you never talked to anyone when you had them in while carrying an almost sorrow expression). Despite how you looked, you would still be humming away to a tune he could never fully quite catch.

He also knew your lunch times were spent eating shitty snacks from the vending machines and that you really liked the strawberry lollipops from the cafeteria (which they only sold every Friday for some fucked up reason, he overheard you complaining about it to your friends in math).

San would also see you after school with all of your cooler, older friends too. You would all huddle around the corner near the bike racks in the parking lot, out of sight from teachers so you could bum cigarettes off of each other. You’d also listen to music while you were there, only with one earphone in though so you could still hear everyone talk. He liked seeing that, you always looked happy and smiley talking to your friends.

The two of you weren’t complete strangers, but nowhere close enough where he could feel safe calling you his friend either. You shared multiple classes with San, greeting him with a small smile when you’d walk by his seat to get to your own (he liked that you’d always say hi to him even when he never did first). The both of you even worked on group projects together, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to know more about you, to take even the smallest peek at the inner workings of your mind. To find out how you always seemed to not care when things went wrong.

He thinks of your reaction when you would fail a test, how you’d simply shrug before shoving the paper into the bottom of your backpack. Immediately after, smiling as you’d turn around to talk to your friends about whatever you all planned to do that weekend. Stuff like that didn’t make much sense to him. Why would you not opt out of hanging out just for one weekend and study harder to do better on the next test like he would?

San supposes that’s what separates the two of you into vastly different worlds, yet he wants nothing more than to just step over that line and join you.

When he had spotted you there, on that humid summer day in early June a feeling had begun to settle into his stomach again. The strange bit was that it didn’t feel humiliating nor demeaning, but there was still something unsettling about it. It felt extremely foreign at first but now, incredibly comforting. Because for once, it didn’t feel like failure.

So, he then decided to call out to you. It was the very first time he had ever greeted you, without you doing it first. Your name exceedingly foreign on his tongue when coming out of his mouth while you weren’t sitting at your desks in a shared class. You had turned around at the noise, both earphones still blasting music into your ears.

Once you had recognised who the voice belonged too, you immediately had taken out both of your earphones with a smile. The tune he had never been able to fully hear, was now playing into the world for him to hear freely. He felt the corners of his mouth beginning to prick upwards at that. Yet with no plan of what words he would say now, San was immediately regretting his choice to speak to you. His fists were balled up in front of him, grip tightening on his clothes ever so slightly as he lowers his eyes down away from you.

The edge he always treads so carefully on was now unstable and he felt it beginning to crack already. You don’t leave him any more time to freak out over it though. When he looks up, he sees you already opening your mouth to say hello in the soft tone you always use, ushering him over.

“Hey, San. You want to come skip with me?”

The cool breeze flowing through the corridor, cooling down his cheeks just had to heat up again when he locked eyes with you, of course they did. Because San had always found everything about you pretty, from the first time he ever saw you. Not a day would there be a doubt in his mind of that. But, in that very moment he found you strikingly beautiful. In a split second, where his brain and his heart finally worked in unison he had responded hurriedly, before he could overthink it and regret it for the rest of his days.

“Yeah, I do. I’ll come along,” As he chucked his gym clothes back into his locker, a switch had been flicked on in his mind. When he turned around and saw you then, one lollipop in your mouth and a second in your hand, held out to him, a realisation had been thrown into his face like a bucket of ice-cold water. San had ultimately discovered that dancing on the edge was fun, yet leaping off it was much better. Even if the water was too shallow down below, San thinks he would be okay with that.

While walking away from the gym and instead down the hall with you by his side, San had spotted your earphones tangled up and peeking out of your backpack. That day, he settled with the fact that maybe it was okay to be a little too reckless, to move a tad too fast. Even if it could scare people, even if it scared him.

If you asked San what made him love that summer far more than the previous ones, he might mention his drunken bike rides with you and your friends, or the nights he spent laying on the beach with you gazing at the stars. Hell, he even liked the part time job he had to take up thanks to the party you helped him throw (which ended in that broken window he had to pay for). Spending a portion of his summer working as a server wasn’t fun in theory but when you’d visit him on his breaks or pick him up after his shifts, San had found it pretty worth it in the end.

He was truly happy in every moment back then; he’s enlightened even now, because all the memories of summer bring you back to him. Despite existing only as a brief moment in his own mind, San is content because whenever he closes his eyes he finds a version of you is there with him. He’s able feel the sun on his bare skin, with your lips pressed against his own again. His favorite bit being when the lingering hint of strawberries followed as you both pulled away.

Yeah, that’s exactly when it was. Three summers ago. When San had first decided it was alright to embrace being him, to be the person he still was today. All thanks to you.

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[fandaniel]

hello rio my friend rio. what is the deal with this fandaniel guy

oh brother. youre gonna regret this. i dont know if i can explain this shortly. also putting this under break because i am trying to avoid spoilers for my mutuals not there in the game yet.

fandaniel is a guy who is part of the soul of another character named hermes, long story how his soul got all split up and goes into the games lore but anyways. fandaniel is a guy who was formerly also named amon who was a lead scientist thousands of years ago, his goal in life was to let everyone live forever and let the empire he lived in flourish (even if it was morally a bad thing to do, trolley problem kind of shit). he wondered what the afterlife looked like often, what was out there, he was told by the emperor (that he brought back to life) that there was nothing.

when the empire started to die, he was presented by a guy who told him that he was needed and unless he followed him he would die with the empire. he gained his memories of all the past lives he ever had inside a thing made for hermes thats called a soul crystal. and well. it fucked him up badly but we will get back to that. also he is immortal now.

so he took the title of 'fandaniel' under the guy who needed him, worked with him and a few others who wanted to burn this world down and go back to how things were in the past before everyones souls got split up due to a great calamity that almost destroyed everything. but the world before was kinda like. fucked up in a bunch of small ways. like individuality was seen as incredibly socially taboo so everyone wore the same things, creatures outside their race weren't seen as living, etc.

that circles back to what he was before, hermes. so hermes was the overseer of creation, since in the past you could make new creatures and then they would be tested heavily by scientists.

hermes didn't like society's view of these creatures, to be used and killed to better humanity, if they didn't better society or needed help such as disabilities they had to be put down, no matter how much he wanted to help. he became very miserable due to this. he wanted to see what others outside of his world lived like because of this.

he made meteia, many small creatures apart of a hivemind in the shape of a bird that could easily travel into space, and left one with him to get reports of the other meteias findings, but gave the creature free will because he felt bad for having to keep her there. they communicated sensing the emotions of others, and could feel the same as them.

so fandaniel is a title, like i said before, and there was another fandaniel in that role, but he said his job was done and wanted to pass away (it choice he made, passing away was a choice for them.) hermes is upset heavily by the idea of someone wanting to die and keeps rejecting the role.

long story short because jesus fuck i'm yapping. meteia told the meteion with hermes the truth they had seen, that there was nothing else in the universe, and this overloads meteion as she speaks of the horrors the other meteia's experienced in space. everyone around them is like ? what the fuck, hermes, stop that thing. and when backed into a corner of letting others take meteion, killing her for her 'defects', he stops everyone and lets her go on her mission to destroy the world, because if humanity is so perfect they should have no problem stopping her. hermes erases everyone elses memories of this and his own, staying with humanity to stop her when the time comes.

he takes the role of fandaniel against his will, and is incredibly upset because he thinks he has killed meteion. the girl he clearly saw as his daughter.

back to current. fandaniel has to live with the knowledge that he doomed the past world, and that he doomed the present, and kind of has to let that sit with him for thousands of years. he goes a bit crazy insane jester as a act to distance himself from himself. he hates hermes for being so sensitive but shows it in himself. he tries to bring in the end days by killing himself but fails badly.

basically; he is his own worst enemy and he is empathic to a fault when he is isn't putting on a act. he wants to understand what is beyond life and couldn't handle there was nothing.

[ataraxixx]

my piece on why i really like echo. i have ruminated a lot of these thoughts in my brain for awhile but i realized ive never actually made a public post abt it .. echoheads lets discuss extensively

see. i think we can all agree about the most common echo characterization. at least the one i usually see in fics? and generally most fan content. hes a happy-go-lucky guy whos a bit child-like or naive, very innocent and mostly just glad to be here and full of wonder and whimsy and etc. and also really loves zane and is very kind and sweet and etc.

i am not saying this is an incorrect characterization by any means . obviously. because hes literally got like 5 minutes of screentime and most of that is spent not talking so its really up to whoevers writing him how they want to take his character. but i also think that making him just. Fine with everything is a very underwhelming way to take his character. because he could be so much more than just. zane's brother who is innocent and silly. he can be innocent and silly and still have complicated feelings about his situation and existence yk.

i enjoy villain/antag echo bc it gives him a role in which to explore those complicated feelings as Himself. not as second fiddle to whatever zane is doing, but as a story of his own to come into his identity. because often times when hes included in fan content hes there just to be zanes brother and nothing else. which is so sad for him. because in canon thats all he ever was and all he'll ever be to his father. to zane. to the ninja. he's just the copy. the lesser version. he can never be his own self he will always be a derivative of zane.

like how is that not an interesting thing to explore. and how could we not think about the complicated feelings he would have about that. echo isnt stupid. he isnt incapable of having those kinds of feelings about his identity or role in the world because he is Literally Zane. he is programmed to be identical and he is in every facet of his personality and mannerisms a reflection of how zane was before he met wu/the ninja. when he was just a bit clueless about the world but not Stupid. just unknowledgable. and he was still capable of complicated feelings about himself because we see as early as episode 2 of season 1 he is wondering about himself and his role in the team and how he feels about the world. he isnt just content every day of his life to simply be there; he questions things and thinks about them deeply. why do fan creators often rob echo of this same capability and dumb him down to simply being child-like or incapable of complicated thought?

i always see him just. Fine with everything. and i dont think he needs to be a villain or evil or even violent to make him an interesting character. but i also think that anger and violence is a natural progression of the situation he has been put in by the doctor and by extension the ninja. they too do not regard him as his own individual, only as an extension of zane. which is literally crazy. because he is a whole ass person. they disregard his identity because its the same exact one as a person they already know; but he has no control over that. he didnt ask to be made as a copy of someone else, and now he exists, and he is forced to live knowing he was never his own person, even though he Is. Because he is Himself and he Exists and yet he isnt because his face doesnt belong to him and his voice doesnt belong to him and his name doesnt belong to him. the world decided he is someone else and he cant be who he actually is because someone else is Already him. like christ man. why are we sleeping on this and just making him like yayyy:3 im so happy i love everything or whatever. bro should be questioning his existence!

because i do think joining the SoG gives him such an excellent entry into both formulating his own identity while also paralleling harumi in an interesting way; for both characters in their attempts to create their own identities opposing the ones theyve been forced into, they end up only relating themselves to that identity anyway. in echos attempts to separate himself from zane he ends up relegating himself to hating zane because zane took something from him, an acknowledgement that he is a copy in the first place. their scrapped fight dialogue is so interesting guys. a discarded replica an experiment left to rust. should he not be upset that despite not asking to be made, much less in the image of someone else, he was left abandoned? that he was created solely to be hated by his creator for not being Someone Else? And now he is stuck always chasing after the shadow of that person because he was never meant to be his own person. only zane's copy. never as good as the original. and he has to live with that. its so devastating and good characterization and so interesting that i cannot pass up on it for simply having him be Guy Who is Happy and Innocent.

He is not stupid. He would definitely have less anger in his heart if the ninja got to him before Harumi did, but i think its so impossible that he can simply look at zane and feel nothing. that he can see the person who has cursed his existence into meaninglessness and just be like omg brother:3 because he is doomed to constantly be relegated to Zane's Brother and he will never be Echo to these people that call him a friend. He cant even use his own name he has to be Echo. because its someone elses name and not his even though it Is His its the name his father gave him. but hes not allowed to use it because hes not the original. and he is lesser. and he will always just be zanes brother and he will never be zane. and he will never even be echo. isnt that so fucked.

[notmyprey]

Story idea I've been obsessed with (aka Belly of a Beast on Masterlist):

Tw: I swear sometimes out of habit, im tired, so there's probably something there I didn't catch. Sorry. Also- panic attack mention. Not too much detail on that tho, and it doesn't actually happen, only crying. Also, vore, lol.

(Note: remember that Jay and Lilly are my go-to names. This is not referring to any character I've ever posted about. This is referring to new OCs, or new to you all at least)

Everything was dark, the endless night bringing a comfort for Lilly, even in her half asleep state. She kept her eyes closed, continuing to take in the feelings produced from the dream tugging at her mind. Calm, steady waves moved around her, almost like the ocean itself was trying to reach for a hug. She reaches out to press her hand into the water, preparing for the liquid to give way and welcome her hand into it. The water did not seem to have this same plan, and as she reached out to touch it, its surface formed a soft shell, blocking her hand from breaching the surface.

The abrupt disruption jolted her awake. Around her, the moving sensation continued. A light red wall of flesh sat in front of Lilly, curling underneath her to form the cradle that gently swayed her back and forth.

Lilly's breath hitched at the sight. This, she thought, could not possibly be happening. But the pressure on her hands and body, the nausea, it was all too real.

Pressing into the ever moving ground, she got up, moving to examine what was behind her.

The walls and floor reached, melding together so often that it was hard to find where one started and the other ends. If she were to lay back down, the chamber would fit almost 2 and a half of her from front to back. This did not help how often this place contradicted itself. It's so endless, yet so constricting.

Not even a few feet away laid her 3 sleeping friends. No one but her had woken up yet, but with the situation they faced, she was sure they would understand the rude awakening.

"Hey!" She raised her voice, creating a sea of mixed reactions from her companions, ranging from startled to annoyed. She ignored this, figuring its better that than they stayed asleep.

"What... I dont even know...", her voice slowly died, the weight of what was happening slowly seeping further and further into her brain.

She watched as slowly, each of her friends came to the same realization she had come to, terror showing itself on all of their faces.

It was quiet, each individual taking in their surroundings at their own pace. Lilly didnt know how long it was, but finally, someone spoke.

"Does... does anyone know where we are..." Ash breathed, visibility shuddering as the place that surrounded them slowed briefly before returning to its previous vigor.

A series of shaking heads and solemn looks came from the group, none having any more clue than the next as to whats happening.

"Well..." Her other friend, Jay, started, "it looks like... maybe a creature of somesort?"

"I," Lilly chimed in hesitantly, "it almost looks like a... stomach." The word stomach coming out more like a question rather than an observation.

Again, the group went silent.

"But... theres no, like acid. Or anything." Cass had now gotten over his shock, returning into the talkitive and logistical individual they all knew him to be. He continued listing his observations, "And there also doesn't seem to be any saliva, and there's light... but I dont know where it's coming from. But like, on the other side of that... you can see the... creature... breathing... around us, and you can... feel... it too."

As if the same thought passed through all of their minds simultaneously, they all stretched their necks upwards, observing the constriction and relaxation of the organ surrounding them. Perhaps it was just the faint sounds coming from her friends, but Lilly swore she could almost hear it breathing.

It was mesmerizing, the way the stomach shifted and moved. The way each breath only furthered the movements of the churning organ. Again, her friends started to discuss where perhaps they could be, a strange insane asylum, a lab, and anything else they could cling to. But she knew better, from the moment the idea had come to light, that they were now, quite literally, in the belly of a beast.

The chattering continued, slowly dying down into a somber plea for any other answer than the reality they faced. As the group grew quiet, a small cough was heard briefly before the walls of the stomach collapsed towards her and her friends. Just as quickly, the pressure released, no one was hurt, but Lilly could still feel her heart race in her ears.

At this point, the long stretches of silence were normal to the group. Every once in a while, someone would sniffle or clear their throat. Jay, she noticed, seemed to have it worse than the rest of them. They looked pale, almost sick. Jay had always had a rough time in stressful situations, and it seemed like now was no different.

Though, for how stressful this situation was, to her, it started to actually feel sort of boring. It must have been a shared feeling, as Ash, seemingly reading her mind, started to yawn. That was the beginning of the yawning outbreak. Lilly was first to give in, yawning and holding her breath for a moment to take it all in. Next was Cass, then finally Jay.

As soon as Jay opened their mouth, Lilly noticed the organ surrounding them's breathing broke its normal pattern, stopping suddenly to take a deep breath in. Then, after a few moments, she heard Jay exhale, and the stomach did as well.

This is when gears in Lilly's head start to turn. She carefully crawls over to Jay, trying to get close enough that she can whisper in their ear.

"Hey," she starts, keeping her voice low and as calm as she could in this moment, "can you do me a favor real quick?"

While confused, Jay nodded, "Ya, what do you need?"

"Can you hold your breath for a moment?"

"Uhm, sure?" Jay took a deep breath. Sure enough, Lilly watched as the stomach around them threw away its normal pattern in exchange for holding itself in place, save for its ever chruning walls. Then, as it had before, once Jay exhaled, so did the chamber release its tension.

No matter how she herself did not believe this, everything she understood, everything that has happened now started to make sense. They, somehow, were inside Jay's stomach. This creature, this thing they have been inside of, feeling it breath and live, has been Jay.

Her face fell into immense shock. She couldn't help but look down at the ruffled sweater that covered Jay's abdomen. Under all that cloth, skin, muscle, and fat were her, along with everyone else in here. She raised her hand, instinctively wanting to reach out, to push at the area, hoping to feel themselves under Jay's skin. She stopped, bringing her hand back to her lap after realizing that would not only be weird, but also a violation of Jay's personal space.

"Uh... Lilly?" Jay's voice brought her back to reality.

"Sorry, um... Jay, are you... feeling alright?" She knew saying outright, 'Hey! Funny thing, were actually inside your stomach!' Was a good way to send her friend into a full-blown panic attack. Wanting to stay away from that, she opted for trying to have Jay come to the realization on their own.

"No, actually. I've been feeling quite sick, like I ate something I wasn't supposed to."

If only Jay knew how right they were, Lilly thought with a laugh. "Oh, Im sorry..." She looked away again, trying to think of any hints she could give to Jay that they are, in fact, the reason for said stomach ache. This proved increasingly difficult, each new idea proving to be something that would panic or hurt Jay in some way.

Finally, Lilly hit her breaking point. She wanted to be patient, but she was never the 'sit down and be quiet' type. She stood up and sent a swift punch to the stomach wall closest to her. Though she did not use her full strength, she did punch hard enough to produce a shocked yelp from Jay. Looking back down at her friend, Jay was now hunched over, their arms crossed and pressing into their abdomen.

"What the hell was that?" Ash was now standing as well, a look of annoyance at what Lilly did coming to light.

Lilly ignored her, keeping her eyes locked on her crumpled up friend, "Jay, did you feel that?"

"Yea..." their voice was weak. She could hear the tears that were forming just from how Jay spoke.

This broke her heart. She hated to be the cause of grief in her friend, but she couldn't be the only one to figure this out. She needed everyone on the same page. "Right... I- does everyone understand what that means?" She turned her head towards Ash and Cass, though finding it hard to keep her gaze away from Jay.

Ash's look of annoyance turned to that of shock, but soon both her and Lilly's heart seemed to sink in unison, whipping their heads towards the sudden burst of sobbing coming from Jay.

Their head is now touching the floor of the stomach, and Jay's arms grip tightens around their middle. "No no no no..." they whisper, their voice sounding ever so helpless and small.

The stomach shakes and collapses in again as Jay instinctively heaves. It swiftly releases its grip, showing Jay still on the floor, legs under themselves, though now having had to brace themselves with their arms planted into the fleshy floor under them.

"Im sorry, I- Oh god." Jay chokes out before returning to their previous dread filled state.

It was horrible, watching Jay go through such grief, such guilt, neither of which she would ever believe were because of something Jay did, at least on purpose. Even though Lilly knew they were in Jay's stomach, she also knew that Jay was not the kind of person to put anyone in any position that housed any potential for harming them. That is how she knew Jay was not the cause of this.

She kneeled down, so close to Jay this time that the right side of her body from her sholder to her hip was pressed against Jay. She wrapped her arm around them, moving her hand up and down in an attempt to console their shivering, absolutely miserable friend.

Minutes passed, with Lilly, Ash, Cass, and Jay, all in silence once more. After Jay had finished their crying, no one knew what to say, so they didn't speak. All they could do was sit and watch as their friends body moved around them subconsciously.

Lilly couldn't help but think about how much Jay and their stomach were true opposites. Jay, though Lilly knew that they loved physical affection, never sought it out due to their constant fear of being too much. Jay's stomach, on the other hand, seemed to almost reach out for it, calling for Lilly, for any of them, to hug and rub at it. It was an offer too cute to pass up.

Without thinking, Lilly rested her hand on the soft flesh beneath her. It was nice and plush, much like sinking into a pillow. She gripped at it, fidgeting and kneeding at her friends stomach. That was, until she happened to glance at a very red-faced Jay, whose eyes didn't break from her hand that now was mindlessly moving up and down in a sort of petting motion.

Lilly flushed a bit, stopping the movement of her hand but keeping it pressing down. "Jay... uhm." She didn't know what to say. She couldn't quite understand why, but somehow she felt calm, like she knew everything would be ok. She wanted Jay to feel like that as well. She could see how they folded in on themselves in shame. She didn't understand why, but it made her sad that they did.

"Are you feeling better?" She finally managed to get out.

Jay made a motion to speak, their mouth opening and closing without a word to fall out. A small nod is all they can muster up, before once again hanging their head low.

"Whats it feel like?" The words slipped out of her mouth before she could even process them, shocking everyone in the room, including herself. The red on Jay's face intensified as they sheepishly raised their head to look at her.

"What?" Jay knew what Lilly had meant, but the shock of the question took all the words from Jay, all except for that one.

"Um. You know, having us... in here and stuff." It was hard to meet Jay's eyes, and she knew they were also averting their gaze as well.

"I..." Jay paused, seconds seemed like minutes as she waited to hear their response. Finally, they spoke again. "It's... strange. I feel... sick. And I can feel every movement," Jay locks eyes with Lilly a brief moment before darting away to continue, "you guys make. I thought. I thought it was just... me being ill, before, but it was... you all."

"Huh." Cass spoke abruptly. It was a bit out of turn, but Lilly knew it was in an effort to let Jay know he was still listening.

Jay's voice shrunk once more, "Im sorry." This barely came out as a whisper, but without anything else to hear, save for Jay's organs working away, it was easy enough to make out what they said.

"It's ok... I know," Lilly sighed, resting herself once again against Jay, "you didn't do this on purpose. You wouldn't."

"I didn't, no. I would never -" Jays lip started to trimble once more.

She was so close to Jay, yet she wished she could get closer. She wanted to wrap Jay up and hold them, tell them it was alright. But for now, she would have to settle for being the weight on their side and the little weight in their stomach.

[thenightsmercy]

[ „once unknowing.“ ] a.m

a high honor arthur morgan x fem!original character oneshot

summary; adeline lincoln and arthur morgan. a skilled, yet impulsive thief and a troubled outlaw. after one stirs up trouble, the two ride out to clean the aftermath—despite barely conversing in the past. a campfire is shared after months of jading work and small talk, leaving gnawing feelings that need to be released.

word count; 3.4k

a.n; first tumblr fic, please dont be a silent reader! this takes place during chapter two :) and this a slowburn, please treat the story as so. lowercase intended. enjoy!

✦ ✦ ✦

A WARNING FROM THE POLICE DEPT. ; SAINT DENIS, NH

To all persons in the state of New Hanover, the Saint Denis Police Department bring you a warning of the twice-escaped convict ADELINE LINCOLN, otherwise known as THE SILENT SHOT, a dangerous thief WANTED for the robbery of two shops, the murder of four policemen and one civilian.

{drawn picture}

If you know the whereabouts of this individual, REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE, OR SAINT DENIS POLICE DEPARTMENT.

$100 DEAD OR ALIVE $100

✦ ✦ ✦

the morning dew hung in the air like small particles of light, flying around the camp like dancers in a town show. small murmurs of conversation rattled adeline’s brain, forcing her eyes open from the sleepless slumber. she rolled over onto her back, placing her hands behind her head and looking up at the blue sheet serving as her roof.

flashbacks of yesterday trotted around in the girl’s brain. usually she didn’t fuck up this badly, but recently too many things have been weighing on her mind. it caused her to lose focus; become distracted.

‘dutch is going to shoot me for this.’ she thought.

just as she sat up from her cot, the devil himself blocked the light coming into her makeshift room. adeline looked up and saw him lean his shoulder on the log of wood holding up the sheet. he had a yellow-tinted paper in his hand. from the light, she could see her inverted face drawn onto it.

she silently cursed and looked down at the ground.

“so… i know you didn’t do this on purpose, adeline. care to explain what happened?” he dropped the paper gracefully from his hands, making it land right in front of her eyesight. she picked it up and examined it. If there was a large hole full of shit, she would be at the deepest point.

but, like most times, she stayed completely silent, looking over to dutch’s face slowly changing from placid to animosity.

“now, I want you to hear this loud and clear,” he walked over and sat next to her on the shitty cot, pointing at the money on the wanted poster. “you and arthur are gonna go to valentine, and you two are gonna, discreetly, pay off this bounty. stay there for a couple of days so the air can clear, then come back at night.”

adeline nodded once, and dutch seemed satisfied after a couple of seconds. he got up and walked out of the shade, and turned his head to acknowledge her. “and adeline, no ‘jobs’ on this run, you’re in deep enough shit already.”

she swore he could read her mind. adeline knew he wanted her to pay with her own money, but she didn’t have enough, only half. she contemplated asking arthur, but she also knew he would probably give her more than needed. sighing, she got up, stretched her legs, and left the sweet bliss of shade to go find arthur.

adeline didn’t care for him that much. she didn’t mind him coming on runs with her, and she also didn’t mind having a conversation with him. they were at the brink of being friends, if you call having five-word-talks with each other being ‘friends’. there wasn’t anything stopping them, either, they just never have actually talked.

what she didn’t like, however, was his kindness. adeline had the stern mindset that being good won’t do any good in the world she was wrapped up in. she doesn’t take gifts strangers benevolently give her after helping them, nor does she accept any money they try to throw at her. why would she need any of it, when she steals all of the stuff she acquires anyway?

walking through the forest trail carved by horses and wagons, she spotted the familiar hat laying on top of a thin stick by a lake a couple of feet away. she made her way over to the rippling bits of light on the water, admiring the small fish leaping out and diving back.

she looked over to the right and spotted arthur, sitting against a large rock with one leg stretched out, the other acting as a stand to let the journal that he was drawing in lay on top of it. adeline walked up to see he was smoking a red rocket cigarette, using a rock to flick the ashes into the bright green grass. she tried to see what he was drawing, but he caught notice of her presence next to him, shutting the book quickly and putting down the pencil and looking up at her.

“it’s sunny out, why ain’t you wearing your hat?” adeline mumbled the question, her accent showing through.

arthur’s eyebrows raised up. “ ‘think this is the first time you started the conversation.” he chuckled.

she rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. “funny.”

she walked up to the rock, leaning on the open spot next to him. adeline looked at the small lake again. the sun shined down on the water and made it almost blinding to look at. she wondered how arthur could stand to be out here like this. she also thought about her next words, and how to make it as condensed as possible.

“we have to go to valentine.”

“and why is that?”

she looked down at his light brown hair, shining golden in the sun. he was smirking, like he had known about the run already.

“payin’ a bounty” she grumbled petulantly.

arthur ripped his eyes from her and shifted them to the ground, a grin stretched across his face. “alright. let’s get the horses.”

✦ ✦ ✦

the ride to valentine was filled with silence other than the bugs buzzing around the air around them. arthur started singing a quiet, happy tune as they got closer to the town. adeline didn’t mind it; the song distracted her from thinking too much about yesterday.

the cozy town was already bustling by the time they got there. they followed dutch’s orders and went straight to the post office first. arthur ended up paying for it all, with plenty of protest from adeline. “shut your mouth.” was all he told her as he went inside. after they were done, they hitched their horses and went to check into the hotel.

“it’s nice.” adeline mumbled to arthur.

they ended up having to share a room on account of almost all of them being full. arthur walked up to the bed on the left side of the room, placing his satchel and hat down. adeline went to the right side and mimicked his actions, pulling out a flask from her pocket.

“wanna have some fun?” she held up the flask.

“what-” he shifted his eyes over and saw the small steel container, “oh, sure.” arthur murmured, a sheepish rose tint blooming across his cheeks.

he reached his hand out. adeline threw it over and he caught it, opening the flask and taking a large gulp out of it. he tried to take another one, but only a drop came out. “shit.”

“what is it?” adeline asked.

“ ‘think you got a little bored on the way here.” he threw the small container back.

she caught it, noticed the lack of sound coming from inside the bottle, and muttered an apology. maybe arthur’s singing wasn’t that distracting.

“ you wanna head to the saloon nearby?” arthur started, “maybe they won’t run out.”

she noticed the teasing in his voice. adeline got up and walked over and flicked his hat off with a subtle smile. “sure, but i’ll pay, as compensation for drinkin’ all of mine.”

arthur agreed after a beat, and they walked out of the room and down the stairs.

✦ ✦ ✦

the saloon boomed with the echoes of intoxication. as soon as they entered, a man was already laying on the wooden floor in front of them. stepping over the drunk man, adeline made her way over to the front bar, arthur following in tow.

they ordered their drinks. adeline got a stronger one than arthur, of which he had to say something about. arthur drank a few of his own, but adeline could only have one since she was already feeling the effects of her previous session.

as adeline was taking her last sip from the glass, she felt a rough tap on her shoulder.

she turned, and saw a shorter woman with brown curls look up at her, brows furrowed with anger.

“i think i recognize you from saint denis.” the woman stated, a vexing tone booming in the noisy saloon.

adeline sighed and turned completely to her. she was wearing a simple dress with a brown belt tied around her waist. on the belt, adeline spotted a small knife.

“ma’am,” she looked into the woman’s eyes, “i don’t know you, and ‘m just trying to have a couple drinks with my friend here.” adeline pointed to arthur with her thumb.

the woman looked at arthur, and then looked back to adeline with a threatening glare.

the woman took a step up, face to face with adeline, malice lacing her voice “my name’s lucy. that woman you killed yesterday, charlotte? that was my sister.”

that was all she said before she punched adeline in the nose, making blood shoot out immediately. adeline stumbled back into arthur’s chest in which he grabbed her arm.

she looked back at him and he whispered, “need help?”

“lucy just needs to let off some steam.” she whispered back, looking at the woman. she already had tears coming out and dripping onto the knife she was now holding.

lucy swung with steel. adeline dodged it by stepping back, but the knife struck her arm as she was moving. she cursed out loud.

“ma’am,” she started, “i really don’t want to have to hurt you. just step outside and we can talk this out.”

but the woman only became more violent. she tried swinging at adeline with her fist again. learning from her last mistake, adeline grabbed her wrist and used it to throw the woman back. lucy made a large thud on the ground as she fell.

“ ‘m sorry, lady.” she said earnestly.

lucy stood back up and ran for adeline once again. this time, adeline threw the punch. her fist landed on her jaw, sending her onto a wooden pillar. lucy’s knife went flying and skid across the floor.

adeline ambled up to the knife, then to lucy’s stationary form. she leaned down and spoke in her ear.

“are you done now?” she softly pressed the knife against lucy’s cheek.

lucy grabbed adeline’s hand. she swung the hand and adeline had little time to dodge it before the blade cut her eye. still, it grazed across her left cheek. adeline stood up and stepped back, a groan escaping her lips as she caressed the now bleeding wound. adeline folded her arm and slammed her elbow into lucy’s forehead, knocking her unconscious and dropping to the floor.

“i think you just like causing trouble.” adeline heard a voice behind her. when she turned, arthur was walking up with a sly smile and a chuckle.

adeline scoffed with a playful grin. “i think…” she walked behind him and grabbed his newly filled glass. “…im ready to get the hell out of here.” she downed the rest of the spirits and passed it back to the bartender, making for the door.

“well, let’s go then.” he passed the amount of money due to the bartender on the desk as adeline walked out.

✦ ✦ ✦

conversations were exchanged as adeline and arthur ventured down the street. the lanterns had a dim glow and there were barely any people on the road. it must’ve been leading on into the morning by now. adeline walked up to the door of the hotel, when she noticed arthur wasn’t following.

“what’re you doing?” she mumbled out in the dark. he was at the foot of the stairs, looking up at her with something adeline couldn’t make out in her tipsy state.

“i don’t think it’s gonna be safe staying in a place with so many people who just saw that tussle.” arthur spoke clearly into the night. maybe he wasn’t as drunk as she thought he was. “we should, i don’t know, ride a little and find a spot to camp?”

she took a second to ponder. it was busy tonight at the saloon, and the bounty was just paid off, so it would be better to just play safe and spend the night in a non-populated place.

“alright, boss. let's get the horses.” adeline joked, recalling arthur’s words. the smile and scarlet tint on his face was missed as she turned around.

✦ ✦ ✦

the pair slowly made their way southeast of valentine, towards the bottom part of citadel rock. they were traveling at a medium pace; wanting to get there quickly, but leaving time to talk. also, it was allowing adeline to let her current state of mind wear off.

adeline looked to her right at her temporary partner.

‘he looks good at night, she thought’. she knew it was her messed-up judgement leaking into her brain. but for the moment, she let herself enjoy the eye candy. once golden hair now a medium brown under the illusion of the moon.

he was focused on something, a deep furrow in his brows as he looked down at his grey and black spotted horse. the leather on the expensive mammal being grasped by muscular hands and strong arms; arms strong enough to hold a rifle and barely have any kickback. hands skilled enough to do things adeline can only ima-

“what is it?” arthur’s voice boomed through the woman’s thoughts, exploding them out of mind. adeline looked up to his face, his brows now upward as if he was concerned over something. adeline was taken aback, not realizing the moon was that bright. she tried to search her scattered brain for some plausible response.

“ah, it’s just…” she noticed a loose buckle on the reins of the horse, “your reins aren’t tightened.” she internally thanked whatever divine intervention helped her.

he turned his head down and noticed the buckle. he thanked adeline quietly after fixing it. the smooth conversation allowed the entrance of a comfortable silence.

✦ ✦ ✦

the sounds of a campfire echoed into the darkness, combining with leaves brushing against each other from the soft wind blowing. beyond the fires reach, a large rock formation gave the illusion of a wall being used to guard from anything dangerous. the wall of rock was like a shadow being casted from the harsh lack of light. the air was chilly and filled with the smell of cooking meat and smoke.

a tense man and an oblivious, ragged woman smoking a cigarette sat on the cots surrounding the campfire. arthur sat cross-legged, a certain fidgety behavior to his every movement. adeline’s thoughts continued well into the night. she turned them over, wondering what he was so apprehensive about.

she studied the newly refilled flask he was downing, debating if it was empty, and if the way his eyes kept shifting over to her face signaled that there was something stuck on it. out of nervousness, she wiped her cheeks with her shirt sleeve.

“you know you can say what you’re thinking about.” adeline stated. the tension got the best of her; it lingered in the air like the stuffy smoke entering her nose and lungs. she stared at the sparkling flames slowly cooking the small pieces of bird meat they had caught on the way to valentine.

arthur reacted with a scoff, similar to the one adeline gave at the saloon. “i don’t think these thoughts are for… casual conversation.” a laugh was stifled near the end of his sentence.

adeline’s nose twitched in confusion. she turned her body left so she could face the tipsy man.“what in the world could you be thinking about that isn’t fit for ‘casual conversation’ ?”

arthur just stared at her. in that moment, the distance between their cots didn’t feel that far and his green eyes seemed to glow in the bright orange of the fire. “well, i was gonna ask, for one, why there was still blood on your face.”

the question was one of evasion, and adeline was far too tired and hungry to continue the game any longer. she looked at her cigarette, and noticed the crimson stained filter adorning her hand. she shrugged as a response, and arthur shook his head with a smirk.

after a small beat, he spoke up again. “for two, i was uh… gonna ask if you would let me clean it,” he slid his large frame closer to hers and reached to your side for her cigarettes. “i think it looks better when it ain’t all dirty, anyway.”

a simple statement, yet leaving an attracting and swaying affect on adeline’s jaded mind. she grabbed the flask on the floor, chugging a decent amount of it. it wasn’t empty after all. half of arthur’s words were those of intoxication. adeline’s choice of drink was on the stronger side, and it was very interesting to see how it affected him. he didn’t behave as if he was too drunk, though, so she knew he was just feeling a little extra confident with his words.

“well, i would’ve told you to do what you want.” she replied, trying to play it cool.

he chuckled again, a raspy sound that hypnotized the woman’s brain. “it’s a good thing i didn’t ask then.”

adeline’s brows furrowed. “why’s that?”

arthur had a certain driven look to his face. he made sure she was looking and attentive, or his confidence boost would all be for nothing. “if you told me that, i would’ve done more than help you clean your face.”

it was as if all time stopped for a minute. adeline and arthur’s eyes locked and got tangled together in the various hues of each others irises. adeline couldn’t believe what arthur was saying now, and by the look on his face, he was trying to comprehend his own.

adeline took this moment as the time to gamble the beginnings of her and arthur’s friendship to try and win something much more. “like what?” she maintained the previous firm eye contact, and so did he.

in a rush, arthur leaned forward, risking everything even more than adeline. he cupped her bloodied cheek gently and used his other arm to get closer to her warm body, finally giving in and kissing her lips. smoke twirled around them as she became used to the movement of his mouth. adeline removed her hat and used one hand to grab the flustered man’s locks, that of which made arthur kiss her harder. soft and hidden feelings emerging as the two shared a moment only they would ever know. arthur ended up pushing the girl to the ground with the force of his body leaning onto hers. adeline only laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

after a moment, arthur pulled his lips off of adeline and took a moment to examine her face. adeline took this time to do the same. his defiant eyes changed color with the soft flicker of the flame next to them. there was something in them adeline could see now. desire. a desire for her, for her lips and to be on top of her like this. a smile matched the lust that was finally clear to the once unknowing girl.

adeline put both of her hands on the side arthur’s face. he leaned into the touch like he had never felt it before.

“i had always thought you were beautiful,” arthur whispered out of the blue. it only made the moment more significant to adeline. “ so beautiful.”

the pair spent the night in one cot. their legs twisted together as well as their souls. in the morning, they'll be cautious to leave the moment, but the awkwardness of the previous night will make them pack up camp and head back to horseshoe overlook. they might spend a night resurfacing what happened, and some new things might be experienced. but adeline can only imagine as her horse trots the trail down south.

hope you enjoyed the oneshot :) lmk if a part 2 should be made!

[petalkitshadow]

Hi there! Just devoured the entirety of PKS within my past few vacation days after stumbling upon your twt account and absolutely loved it (my current favorites are Splashfoot, Darkstar, Echosnout, Squirrelwhisker, Petalpaw herself ofc, and Nettlepaw!) if I had to choose my favorite things about it, one would definitely be just how alive riverclan and thunderclan feel- you have a very strong sense of characterization, even if it's just for bg characters.. I would die for Squirrelwhisker (1/2)

Thank you so much!!! I apologize for not answering right away - I got a lot of comments on the newest chapter (many of them positive, thank you all!!) and I got a bit overwhelmed trying to reply to everything. But I read all the comments I get and appreciate them, I promise!!

I really enjoy building the community of RiverClan - not just the major stuff but the little minutia of it. What hobbies cats have, how they spend their down time, what cliques and friend ground there are, the gossip and rumors they spread, etc! It's fun thinking about each cat's individual life, how they all have stuff going on even if we don't get to see much of it - Like Voleflight and Rainfall being exes, Duskwater being really excited and gossipy about Splashfoot and Troutclaw. It's fun to occasionally give Petalpaw (and the readers) a glimpse into some other cats' lives, like when she meets with the ThunderClan apprentices at her first gathering! That TC apprentice gang is close to my heart, especially squirrelwhisker, I love squirrelwhisker!!

As for your questions!

Nonbinary cats - I see Petal and Perch both being nonbinary. It just feels right to me.. i think theyre a butch 4 butch lesbian couple haha. Redthistle of ShadowClan - she appears as an apprentice in the gathering chapter, but i got her gender wrong by accident! So that kinda led to me seeing her as transfem, and genderfluid. She uses mainly she/her, but he/him and they/them work too. I planned a few cameos for her later in the story to expand on this!

As for the family tree - not yet, I'm still working on it!! it's also very big and unwieldy and hard to upload. But I'll share a fun fact for you all! In the PkS 'verse, Frostdawn is a descendant of Mapleshade, and Splashtail is a descendant of River Ripple! I thought that villain and hero switch-up was quite entertaining, haha

And finally, If they survived OR were in her place, Petalshade's brothers would be named Larchfreckle and Patchwing! I kind of have an AU of an AU in my head, the PkS good end where the kits survive and mapleshade gets to stay in riverclan. she frecklewish and reedshine kiss and also beat up appledusk <3 its more so just a fun thing i have in my head, not something i'd ever actually write though. It has much less conflict and is very much an "everyone is happy" scenario so i dont think it would be very interesting to read about haha

ok thats it! Thanks so much for your message, longer asks like this always make my day <3 <3

[priscirat]

if its okay to ask can i have your long thoughts on your last art because i am oh so interested

oh absolutely

(keep in mind that i am discussing early story yukilisa which would be the same state as our current mygo line)

first of all on an individual level. soyo/lisa and sakiko/yukina have common themes/motivation.

soyo/lisa paralleles : seen as "motherly" (and in both cases its a behavior they both show when they Aren't Feeling Normal), scared to be left behind, needs to feel needed by other ppl to feel self worth, attachment to the past, dont want to overstep and is seen as the mediator

then visually. both having brown hair. if lisa didnt tie her hair it would Extremely ressemble soyos hair and vice versa. both key colors being warm colors (lisa/red and soyo/yellow)

sakiko/yukina paralleles : motivated by the downfall of father, willing to use others to gain back something that was lost, don't want any emotional attachment and yet are Extremely emotionally attached and motivated, musical genius in their own way

and once again visually. both got yellow eyes. if sakiko let down her hair she would look like yukina and someone actually DREW THAT, both having cold key colors (yukina/purple and sakiko/blue)

then when it comes to the relationship aspect. i often talk about how yukilisa managed to get thru their bad years because neither of them actually wanted to let go of the other. i often visualize it as threads to be cut. which neither yukina or lisa did. whereas for sakiko and soyo. sakiko was the one taking that step.

sakiko genuinely do not want soyo around anymore because she doesnt want her to get involved in her eventual mess and draws a big line to not cross for soyo. something that yukina never had the heart to do. she mentions how her caring for lisa feels like an obstacle to her goals. which is the same for sakiko who actually acted on it. it also makes you wonder. would lisa have stuck like soyo if yukina Did draw that line. to me the answer is yes because she feels a duty to have yukina smile again. and would have pushed for it the same way soyo is.

in a heartbreaking way, to me, sakiko wishes that soyo would want the same especially after treating her so coldly. which circles back to yukina Also wondering why lisa sticks to her when she doesnt act all that friendly to her when lisa keeps reaching out to her.

in the same way that. in episode 4. when sakiko learns that soyo got into another band. you can see that she is Actually affected by it, no matter how much distance she tries to put with the past. which then makes you wonder. how yukina would have reacted if lisa did get into another band. and we factually Know that she is convinced that lisa would have always ended up in roselia. so even back then she would have also been greatly affected if lisa did join another band.

it goes on and on and i am still seeing and connecting new points almost everyday. a lot of those parallels also falls on. what if yukina and/or lisa Acted that way. and somehow i feel like it does fall quite in line with their early character. which is why i also thought of captioning my art as something along the line of "you, that i could have been" to capture how much it is a matter of what if.

conlusion also its So Funnyyy : first yukina/lisa scene (episode of roselia 1)

first sakiko/soyo meeting after disbanding (mygo ep4)

[arsonwizard]

when it comes to ignite the moon i mostly talk about myana and moth. but the truth is that Neirin, Kavero, and Avyn’s plotline is much more developed. it’s about three new-adults romping around in an old junker van trying to fulfill a quota for their shitty bosses while also keeping secrets from them. i have a pretty good idea of their main story beats, and some ideas for how their individual storylines go, and i have a rough idea for how those tie together for the ending i want for them

as for moth and myana, i know where i want their story to go, but i dont know how it starts yet. in all my continual adjustments of the story, myana’s beginning is what gets changed around most often, which changes the rest of the story.

right now the worldbuilding has a large influence. the education system focused entirely on the core subjects for the first half, and then students take on apprenticeships for the second half. (this is in a world where agriculture is primarily handled magically, to maximize people working in other industries. you have to be licensed to practice magic and most licenses go to farmers. the apprenticeship system works well with this.)

The beginning of Myana’s story, then, would be her moving to the city (still unnamed) in order to find an apprenticeship. since her main interest would be magic (illegal,) she’d initially struggle for find something fitting. any attempts at finding apprenticeships could at the same time introduce key city-locations, as well as supporting side characters! it would also establish Myana’s skillset, and her main character traits.

i think it would be neat if, in an episodic format, she was put in a program for helping kids find apprentices, with a bunch of important side characters that each find a fit per episode. the tricky thing about that though would be working moth in, since they would already be in their apprenticeship. it would be cool if they helped myana find her fit though.

the next problem would be figuring out where to go from there, of course. ideally wherever myana goes enables her to seek out plot threads on her own. maybe an investigative journalist would be good for that? she’s got the drive for the truth, it could lead her into trouble, her being a secret wizard could supplement her skills but also come back to haunt her.. plus it would pair well with her older sister, Lyslani, being a vigilante.

imagine it. You are a superhero. You are Despised by the local government because you keep thwarting/revealing their corruption. They are doing everything in their power to smear your name and make the public hate you. You are fully prepared and expecting it to work. However. The one (1) junior journalist who is somehow able keep up with you enough to write about you just absolutely ADORES you and thinks you are the coolest. So the public loves you so much also. Much much later down the line you find out that that journalist is your long lost little sister

[mayordea]

PLEASE tell me about your Robin headcanons, I'm so curious now.

oh beans i didn't expect a response to my meme! (i mean, it has happened before but my answer was a bit undercooked) normally i'd say my headcanons are cringe and try not to talk about them but THIS TIME i am excited to indulge, mainly to have them written down on my art page :> this may end up being a long boy answer lol

(as a brief preamble, i've pretty much been building off of these robin headcanons since like, middle school or so (at least 5 years) for my smash fanfiction. while the amount of Stuff i've imagined for them might make them a bit different from their original characters, the context of awakening is what prevents me from turning them into full-on oc's)

anyway. i'm not responsible for any damages this may induce. the actual hcs will be under the cut

Both of them

so to start out, both the female and male variants are separate entities rather than like, alternate dimension counterparts. in fact, they're siblings (reeaally starting a bit out there i know). for reference, the girl (younger of the two) is named reflect (a misreading of the japanese name i grew attached to. it is what it is) while the boy is just robin. this is why i usually try drawing them with different clothes so they don't look like clones of each other lol. i like to think some aspects like the shirt and the black robe and tall brown boots are staples of the "tactician" uniform to explain any similarities.

neither have amnesia (since i just.. don't like the trope that much + i wanted to have them remember and reflect on their upbringing y'know). robin is actually a regular, normal blooded dude (which is why i don't really depict him in an evil grima-possessed form). reflect on the other hand did have grima's blood, which tipped off the grimleal in hopes to resurrect grima. however, much like the original awakening story, reflect's mama took her away out of fear of what the grimleal would do to her in pursuit of their goals. due to circumstances that i haven't fully figured out yet, robin was left behind and was raised by daddy dearest validar. reflect was raised by her mama and unaware of the grimleal or that she even had a brother/father at all.

a fairly old but still good ref of their differences. i definitely took a lot of liberties with reflect obviously (i REALLLLY like robin's original design, main reason why i got so attached to the character, so i kept it pretty true to the original with some details i dont like redrawing sanded off). a lot of design elements developed over the years and came from various sources.

(strap thingies on the side were based on cipher art, stockings are based on heroes art of f!morgan, cloak is partially inspired by the grandmaster design (albeit heavily simplified), shorts... i just thought looked cool, blah blah)

ok enough rambling, time to ramble about them individually

Robin

if it wasn't clear by how i'd often draw robin with a tired/exhausted look on his face, he isn't exactly the most high-energy guy :p he's jaded and sometimes a bit of an asshole to people he doesn't know. pretty unapproachable generally. i hope the fact he was raised by validar would explain why. i imagine validar was particularly bitter about the grima vessel slipping out of his grasp and took some of that out on his remaining child.

his strict upbringing helped him become very proficient in tactics and magic as expected... but also a bit reclusive and not much of a people person. he'd travel around after being sick of validar's shit, which is how he crosses paths with chrom. chrom basically takes him in and lets him work as a tactician for the shepherds, which is an act that causes robin to become very attached and loyal to chrom. i'd say he's an established member for a few years before the events of awakening.

he's kind of unathletic (very skinny bastard) and probably has redditor posture (inspired by how slow of a runner he is in smash bros). magic is much more his "asset" ;) his sword game is mid if he's not wielding the levin sword.

he remains single to the end of awakening's campaign, but historians note he was "really good friends" with chrom (he is attracted to men lol. specifically chrom. but then chrom gets married which complicates things 🥴).

Reflect

in comparison to her male counterpart, she's much more free-spirited and bubbly. she's chill and great at making friends, a bit more accurate to the original. she was also raised to be a tactician, though she is comparatively still a novice. still, she's a quick and enthusiastic learner. i also imagine her to be kind of a risky thrill-seeker.

when she leaves her small community to explore the world, she comes across the burning village in awakening's first chapter, which is how she crosses paths with chrom. she joins his gang to further her learning as a tactician and to make some friends yeeaa!! (i haven't written as much about her as i make mrobin 😛)

she later marries chrom and becomes the mother of lucina.

I sometimes draw her with red hair tied in a black bow-- that's related to some non-fe fanfic stuff that is too convoluted and cringe for this already lengthy and cringe post. but it's an alternate look for her i think is kind of cute 😊

~~~

hopefully that's a sufficient enough answer, my brain always gets really scattered whenever i have to elaborate my robin hcs to someone else. i get a bit self-concious about them because i think i'm so far off-base with their original characters (but can't oc-ify them with some elements being based in the world/story of awakening) that i'll become like. public enemy of the greater robin community. but i know that's a bit ridiculous, so i let loose here as a means to get these many thoughts somewhere on my art page as a reference for when i draw these fellas in the future :)

there's also the separate tangent of their offspring, the morgans (or morgan being the girl, and marc being the boy) but this post is long enough as is so i'll just leave it there :,)

[fairestar]

the ending of your lie in april.. </3 hold on, howl's moving castle is a BOOK? WHAT? also, your name is made by makoto shinkai!!! i recommend suzume, weathering with you, 5 cm per second by him! :D dragon ball z and naruto is nostalgic, and my love story with yamada-kun at lv999 looks so cute, i just added it to my list!! to answer your question, i like 'darker' animanga :) like jjk, akira, ergo proxy, oyasumi punpun, aot, tomie… but i also love shoujo a lot! i really liked nana recently. I CANNOT CHOOSE FAVOURITES UNFORTUNATELY 😭 maybe naruto, pokémon (ahem you are definitely eevee in my head), or spirited away since those were my "firsts"? ANYWHO, sorry for the my wall of texts but i hope you enjoy my spam eheh very excited for your new post <3

YES! is a book of the same name written by diana wynne jones (one of my favourite books), it is very lovely and brings so much comfort, but it's very different from the movie. i remember i once read someone say the movie is how howl tells the story and the book is how sophie tells it, and that is just so accurate. it's the only occurrence when im happy the movie adaptation doesn't follow the book because it's so nice that we got such different tellings of the same story. and im always thankful to hayao miyazaki for making howl such a loveable character because book!howl isn't as dreamy. aaa, if your name is by makoto shinkai then im sure i will like his other work. i think of that movie often, it had such an impact.

im also more into more complex animanga, im currently watching death note and im surprised at how much i like it, even though light is so irritating. and i am loving jjk, ive just caught up with the manga (let's not talk about it...) and the anime is sooooooo good (the opening???? one of the best ive seen), im so excited for the shibuya incident arc to develop. although i must say that the first season felt like a combination of naruto and bleach (which i have yet to finish but i haven't been too motivated to do so because it is awfully repetitive, worse than naruto when it comes to the flashbacks). and about aot, ive tried watching it countless times but i just can't get into it, but i want to because i feel like im missing out on something good! although because it's so known i think i know about something that happens with eren and it's such a turn down to start watching it while knowing that (if what i know is accurate, but i dont want to make sure because that'd only make it worse).

ive only watched maybe like three pokémon chapters and all of them from different seasons, mostly because of landing on cartoon network when zapping as it was being broadcast so i can't say much about it but i just looked up eevee and it's so cute! i could see myself as it hahah.

and don't worry, i loved your texts! you are one funny individual and im glad we share this many interests!

[iantimony]

vacation tuesday

in the grandma zone this week! technically evangelion spoilers in the watching section skip that if u care

listening: more just king things, started listening to sangfielle again but i need to go read recaps or wiki pages for the first few arcs because i listened to them sooooo long ago...

reading: read more short stories in the birthday of the world! finished "unchosen love" and read "mountain ways".

"unchosen love": sooooo good and cute. the "why, old man jenkins died fifty years ago!!"-style twist was very charming and it was really delightful seeing how quickly personalities and motivations can be established in such a short word count. 8/10.

"mountain ways": GENDER. the ending was a little confusing (was she gonna like. kill herself?? kill them????) but i think it tied itself up nicely. 9/10.

(the first few stories that i read a few weeks ago and didn't review:

"coming of age in karhide": i haven't finished left hand of darkness so it took a minute to get into it but i thought this one was good. interesting society/worldbuilding, the characters felt kinda secondary but it was very cool flavortext. 6/10.

"the matter of seggri": it could be very easy to misread this one as a weird "what if MEN were oppressed, wouldn't that be wild"-style thought experiment but i think it goes a little deeper than that. definitely a Societal Commentary. it made me a little sad. 7/10.)

watching: FINISHED evangelion (didn't watch ep 26, we watched 25 realized it was bizarre and not in a fun way and watched the movie instead). i understand now why people were pissed about the original ending. very unsatisfying. the movie was very weird but i liked it. my predictions (quote from texting my brother about it "i think the robot is his mom. don't tell me if im right. i also think rei is his mom. also don't tell me if im right.") i mainly think it's hilarious that the creators were like "uhhh we dont know shit about christianity or kabbalah or anything we just thought it was ~~exotic~~ and cool. if we'd known how popular this would get in the west we might have rethought that one. oops". the freud shit was ... fine ....... kinda hate it but ykno. good for analysis or whatever.

making: i brought the tank top knitting project that i need to finish with me to visit my grandma but i have instead been neocities website brainstorming! the purple/bottom left will be the homepage, weekly roundup will be top left, and top right will be some sort of interests/hobbies directory maybe?? i may also link those individual pages (poems i like, fandom interests, etc etc) directly from the home page instead of making it its own directory, not sure yet. also i designed a page in progress graphic hehe

webbed site.....oh shit i forgot a lil mongoose tail. gotta add that

misc: visiting my grandma is fiiiine, she is so old and so fragile which makes me stressed but obviously i'm glad i'm getting a visit in. my mom is also down here visiting my other grandma (her mom) so i'm getting to see other family too which is good :)

oh and i got a late valentines present in the mail from my bf and oughhhh aughhh it's SO good. i'll post pics soon my mom just got here :)

[halflingkima]

Slumpy First Chapter Test

I have not been reading. Moreover, I have not been liking what I'm reading. My average rating has been sub-2 stars all year. I want to fix this not so I read more, but so I can read books I really want to without my bad mood affecting the experience. It's been going so badly that I'm gonna start tracking my DNFs. I know I've put down at least 20 books in the last couple months bc they weren't working and ironically I feel like that's part of the mood. So I'm gonna track how far I get and where I stop (esp now that storygraph doesn't count them as 'unrated' or 'books read' anymore) so that i get a better view of how much i'm actually reading vs only what i finish.

as typical in my slumpy flailing, i panic-checked-out a lotta library books so here's what i'm currently reading, how i feel about it, and impressions of the first chapter of all the books currently staring at me.

Currently Reading

Spell Bound by FT Lukens: An author I usually like, especially when I'm slumpy or not really in the mood to read or focus. Much like TJ Klune where the writing style is a little too.. simple? to ever really get more than a 3 star, but I typically love their characters and plots and the fantasy worlds they build, but for some reason this one is simply Not Hitting. Something about too few characters, mainly single POV, and the love interests not having much interaction at the 100-ish page mark isn't working for me. Think this might be a DNF tbh but isn't yet.

Speculative Fiction for Dreamers Anthology: Heavy literary-style anthology. I picked this up to maybe cure a slump with easy one-off short stories, but they're all so dense that it's having the opposite effect. I'm also not liking a large portion of the stories – I think the subject is too broad/vague to work as a coherent collection for me. It makes a much better textbook. I'm gonna finish it, but probably even slower than I have been.

Here We Go Again by Alison Cochrun: This one's dicey bc it's definitely a 5-star for me, but I put it down at a point of Overwhelm in the story (it was so good and happy and I wanted to stay in that spot for a bit) but then the slump struck and I don't want my poor reading mood to negatively affect what so far has been a nearly perfect story.

Palace Project

Vampires Never Get Old Anthology: I have the audiobook and my headphones have gone missing so that's an issue. I only read the front material and a small bit of the first story, but it's promising! the audiobook has good production, thank god – i hated the narrator for the intro (she was pronouncing stuff weird??) but each story is narrated individually, and I love that in an audiobook, especially a collection from multiple authors. the first story is by tessa gratton, so idk if it's the topic or her writing (since i tend to like her short stories) that has given me hope for this one.

The September House by Carissa Orlando: I liked the prologue, it was very readable. It set up a character voice and a full backstory very efficiently and got me excited for the story to come. idk if I'd be excited about phyiscally reading it, but it sounds like a stellar audiobook option.

Thorn by Anna Burke: For some reason this sounds very familiar. I wonder if I read an ebook sample or a preview somewhere. It feels very much like something someone maybe posted here circa 2014 as an interest check and now has finally gotten it published. i'm not exactly a fairytale retelling fan, and it very much reads as such, but I'm intrigued enough to continue. I don't think it's a slump cure, though, it seems a smidge too dark for that. but i do like drama – i think it'll depend on the style and amount of romance tbh.

Libby

New Adult by Timothy Janovsky: A reliable author that i'm tempted to crack the seal on. Like FT Lukens, he's kinda a reliable 3-star writing style, but i have had a 5 star and I dont have many more books of his to save for rainy days. This first chapter seems par for the course and i'm intrigued by the sliding doors/midnight library/life choices concept. i think it's gonna be the In Case Of Emergency on this list - if all else here fails, i'll crack that spine.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles: idk if i get kj charles and cat sebastian's writing styles confused just bc they're kinda the only regency m/m i read or if theyre actually that similar. this chapter was a great example of why i do prefer cat sebastian just a smidge – this opening chapter was a little abrasive and fast-paced with some immediate character conflict while i'd prefer to slowly adjust to a book. regardless, it does seem promising.

Afterlove by Tanya Byrne: This was very interesting. Again had a fairytale retelling tone, but isn't a retelling in content. I'm intrigued by the worldbuilding here. I knew it was a post-death teen romance but the way it's introduced still fascinated me. tbh I'm looking forward to the plot more than the romance per se.

Sutphin Boulevard by Santino Hassell: Like Thorn, this one also feels. weirdly familiar?? but more recent. I did probably read the libby sample at one point when I was really short on gay romances and reading it again, I remember why I put it down. It starts off real um. Intense. and kinda escalates from there. I might give this one a chance though, since the prose itself isn't insufferable. it's way too long to be simply erotica so I guess i'm curious where things go after a threesome in the first chapter.

Hoopla

Delay of Game by Ari Baran: much like kd casey's unwritten rules series, this has become my favorite reading-in-progress sports romance series. i'm a little afraid to burn the last remaining book (so far) on a slump break, but it has been a long slump. this first chapter launches into the past which is a little weird to contend with since the leads were attached-at-the-hip bffs in the previous book. ironically kd casey did that too. either way, i'm intrigued and locked in. but i hope i can save this till i can figure out how to get ahold of the third ebook.

Physical Library Books

The Stars and the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petrus: it starts off with a poem and a first person dialect that tells me 1) i'm probably gonna love it 2) it may break me and 3) it requires some solid focus and immersion. I don't think i'm gonna pick this one up very soon, but i'm now much more sure that i will pick it up at some point.

Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism by Kristen Ghodsee: I've only read the author's note, but it's surprisingly conversational/readable for a nonfiction text, especially on such a dense subject. I tried the audiobook a while ago and the narrator's accent like uhh repulsed me, i have no clue why. I'll definitely keep reading, but perhaps slowly. Unlikely that a physical nonfic would cure a slump, but idk maybe it'll shake up my routine enough to jolt it back into place.

The Written World and the Unwritten World by Italo Calvino: These are supposedly essays, but from the first one i got more of a satirical, meandering creative nonfiction think piece vibe. the structure is much more like a story than an essay, and the style reminds me of mark twain's nonfiction. i can see myself dnfing in the future, but i'll give it a shot for now.

[lostacelonnie]

Sorry this took a bit to get to time slipped right by & life happened a bit. Plus i got my first tattoo & thus couldn't use my right arm as well for a bit. Weather here has been like. Back & forth between rain/snow & mostly sunny so i can only blame the horrors. Oh good! Im glad its mostly easy stuff for you this month. Wait what? Thats all wild & im glad those teachers got fired for that. If only we were that regulatory of teachers in the states. A win win situation indeed. A carnival? That does sound like a lot of fun i gotta add that on my list of stuff to hopefully see one day. Yeah honestly! Like something about schools just. Is way different & can only be explained by school air. Thank you! I got sparkle decently quick which i needed her for her buffs so im glad. Those 30 free pulls from the anniversary will help my archeron gain i hope. Shame jingliu is in the same patch so ill have to wait for her again. One day clara will come to me. I hoped it would be on sparkle's banner but i got e1 gepard instead. I cant even reach gold & gears because the final boss of swarm disaster is still beating my ass i need better imaginary units. Or to work on ratio maybe he can deal with that damn boss duplicating itself. Oh talents are another thing i should focus on maxing for characters i just. Keep forgetting. Next patch we have triple drop coc & su planar ornaments which is gonna be nuts i cant wait to farm then. Ive played wendy's arc a bit more & like. Wow cocolia is awful what the hell. Worst mom of the year. Im excited for you to continue them both are so good. Oh thats what all that was about okay. Seele best girl always. Oh no worries take all the time you need to jot it down. Yeah some people get. Real intense about their us patriotism & its. Embarrassing. My condolences on losing such an impressive noita run. One day ill get into honkai part 2. But for now its a slow movement through part 1

ah very fair and apologies on my part as well!!! yknow how it is. same old same old. i was personally also Quite busy with our dear beloved school festival which drained me for like a solid week 😭😭 but it was SO worth it. im def helping with it next year as well. AND YOO TATTOO??? THATS AWESOME....... man i wanna get tattoos when im older (and piercings. i dont have a Single one i feel inferior to like all of my friends) but ive never really known what Of. and yeah same with the weather..... it was like. 9 celsius like two days ago and its 25 celsius today. Wild. and thankies!!! i Got Through it (with varying results tbh) but not anything to get me really down so we chillen. AND YEAH RIGHT???? our school is just generally a hotspot for strange individuals (both students and teachers) but its usually in the positive way. but ah what can you do. and yeahhhhh i heard it kinda sucks in the us. and same!!! ive heard a Lot of things about the carnivals in spain since theyre a pretty Big Thing and our teachers love to tell us about them so i actually ended up looking quite a bit forward to seeing one someday. if money allows for it, that is. AND GOD FOR REAL. school air my beloathed school air. OH CONGRATS ON THE SPARKLE!!! to be fully honest i do Not know what her kit is because i wasnt playing That much when her banner was up. or rather focused more on just going through penacony, both story- and exploration-wise. AND GOOD LUCK ON ACHERON!! i managed to get her, her lightcone, AND claras eidolon in like. a 100 pulls which is probs a new record for me. currently saving but i dont know who for yet SHJD. ill see if any future penacony chars interest me (ive been Thinking about boothill, or aventurine for clara) but if not then its gonna be either jingliu or topaz. and ahh good luck with getting them as well in the future!! GOD I HATE THE SWARM. I HATE THE SWARM SO MUCH. GAHHH. the most annoying enemies in the game by a MILE. but ah what can you do. oh yeah very real i always forget in genshin but luckily dont really have that problem in hsr. and yeah im Waiting for that triple drops for my acheron since rn she just has. Very scuffed temporary gear. but not gonna lie her damage is pretty good regardless. i think the mechanic with not needing energy to use her ult but stacks of That One Thing instead is very fun and interesting. brings a bit of spice into the gameplay. AND AHHH I HAVE VERY COMPLEX FEELINGS ABOUT COCOLIA shes a really interesting character imo. but thats revealed a bit more in the later arcs so i wont share too much hehehehe. tho yeah i agree she is Not a great mother. SEELE BEST GIRL ALWAYS!!!! and thankies!!! also yeah... but at least theres a lot of ways one can make fun of them. i literally cant stop saying "MY PRONOUNS ARE U/S/A" whenever i get a good mark on my english tests its just embedded in my vocab now. and have fun with honkai!!!!

[ask-mortarion-the-death-lord]

been on a marines malevolent kick of sorts i suppose and tracking down shorter stories involving them that arent the usual suspects. deathwatch: xeno hunters has one i rather like called machine spirit where a deathwatch marines malevolent takes up a surprising amount of time and space in the story [in part cause hes very prone to saying shit] and surprisingly little of it is spent arguing with the salamander deathwatch marine.

anyways, that is to say i would probably consider vortan as hes called a pretty solid example of what an average marine malevolent is like outside of their most extreme assholes:

pragmatic to the point of insensitivity even for space marines, as he frequently makes calls to ditch their seriously wounded kill team leader and the corpse of one of their comrades. pragmatic because the teams being pursued by super tyranid kroot they are in no way equipped to fight and just got their asses handed by. insensitive in that hes incredibly blunt about it in the sense that the deadweight is weighing them down

contradictory in that his actions very often dont actually match what he says. he regards his comrades corpse as deadweight yet hes also the only one there to perform litanies for the corpse, which he repeats when they find another dead brother in their downed thunderhawk. no hes not a chaplain hes a devastator. well he insists on ditching the bodies for a faster retreat, he also expresses that he'd rather stand and fight even if theyre odds arent great justifying it as 'choosing the manner of his death' and all that.

the point of view character zaeus a brazen minotaur deathwatch techmarine regards vortan as brutally straightforward individual which is evident in that vortan often favours the direct approach

vortan gets bitch slapped by zaeus at one point for having been a negative nancy up until then, and vortan seems genuinely shocked that someone might take offense to what he says given his seeming remorse on the issue [vortan if anything loves his litanies as he recites a deathwatch one well showing remorse]. remorse is probably not as common in the chapter proper given they dont have to regularly work with and play nice with all manner of marines from different chapters.

vortan is notably a negative nancy for a large portion of the short story, as hes generally the most skeptical and critical of any plans they make and is prone to point out faults in others ideas/others in general. the situation mind is a tense one for the marines, but its not a leap to say that marines malevolent are generally prone to glass half full perspectives.

weirdly sentimental in that when they find the corpse of their brother in the thunderhawk, vortans the one who goes on trip through memory lane recounting all the hilarious/impressive moements he remembers of the particular deceased battle brother. as i remember hes even reminiscing with the salamander deathwatch marine in hearty comradely chuckles about that one time brother carmine went to town on eldar warlocks.

surprisingly is the one who comes up with the plan and has the knowledge to use the downed thunderhawks intact heavy bolters as turrets to defend their location and buy zaeus time to get reinforcements, which turn out to be weapons servitors but still it helps. even offers to set up their critically injured kill team leader on the trigger of one turret so it can atleast feel like the near death marine is contributing.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):

 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.